This article is amongst the readings for a communications module I'm taking this semester. Didn't notice it amongst the long list of readings initially. Read on and enjoy! Terribly ticklish. haha
This is an actual letter sent to a bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. Press buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me. 2. To query a missing payment. 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. 7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the Authorized Contact. 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous New Year?
Welcome to the drunk mootoo tiger's blog.
This is the blog of a nonsensical 22 year-old.
All posts are true accounts of misadventures in my life.
misadventurer
I'm a shopaholic, a chocoholic, an alcoholic, a clubbaholic, an eataholic, a music junkie, a traveler.
I love crying in the movies, love cookies and popcorn, love lazing at home and love making people laugh.
I'm addicted to Johnson's Baby lotion, to my mom's cooking and to sinful desserts.
I cannot multi-task, I cannot drive, and I'm afraid of heights but I enjoy rollercoasters.
I like to be around people with whom I don't have to care if they think I'm crazy drinking bak kut teh from a straw.
I've never taken the reverse bungee, never been to the US, and never dyed my hair pink.
And I want to go on an misadventure once in my life.
the grand plan
9-11 May :: Tiesto Elements of Life World Tour @ Port Dickson!!
20-28th June :: Taiwan with Vin&XP&Nick! May - Scuba Diving with MichnFriends in M'sia! *hurrayy we're reeally going! :)*
her heart's desire
Awesome speakers for the room Sony Ericsson s500i
The Europe Trip Once More
An Australian Adventure
