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Sunday, May 25, 2008
what I hate about myself
6:45 AM whenever I go out with friends I'm not so close to, and there's the need to socialize, and impress while you're at it, I panic! which makes me xenophobic to a certain extent. and the fear stems largely from my worry of not being interesting or being able to carry on a meaningful conversation. and its not like my fears are unfounded, because even though I may be first class at talking crap, and blabbering about all manner of topics which do not involve real life issues, I really do lack the interest in meaningful topics. topics like jobs, and politics, and the economy which at my 22 years, and at my current stage of being about to enter the workforce, I ought to have a bevy of knowledge of. and I don't like to have to keep quiet and listen on like a bimbo when other people are engaging in meaningful exchanges of info. hell, I don't even know what intend to achieve in my career - whether I'm gonna stay in the tax line, or do I eventually want to join a bank like everyone covets to do, and whether I intend to achieve a CPA, or further my studies in a masters degree. these are some questions which I have neglected to give much thought about so far. And I've always envied the people who have a set of goals in mind, since I've always found it so hard to figure out what I want. as I was discussing with shihui on the way home just now, perhaps it boils down to how everything in my life so far has been so plain sailing; everything has been laid out pretty much in order for me. even my choice of university degree was more or less influenced by my parents. its been a case of 'one thing at a time' for me; I complete each stage of my education, and move on to the next, and somehow everything just fell into place without me having to give much thought. its probably largely because I'm not exactly someone you would say has a strong mind of my own, or far-sighted, and neither am I the decisive sort; I feel the need to consult others on these kind of decisions. these are traits I kind of hate, because they make me too reliant on others, and wishy-washy. take all that, and add a brain which is far too lazy for my own good. One which doesn't mind absorbing information, but is too lazy to process, which also comes with a rather discouraging attrition rate. an obvious sign is how I can fall asleep the instant my head hits the pillow. so far, nothing has ever really kept me awake all night before. :( and much as I'd like to stay awake tonight figuring all this, I think for tonight, its better I fall asleep right away, seeing as it is already 7am. tomorrow night, when I'm better rested, I WILL think through it. and they say you're always your own biggest critic. **Trivia - gynophobia (a fear of women) and androphobia (a fear of men) 0 comments |
ely belly Welcome to the drunk mootoo tiger's blog. This is the blog of a nonsensical 22 year-old. All posts are true accounts of misadventures in my life. misadventurer
I'm a shopaholic, a chocoholic, an alcoholic, a clubbaholic, an eataholic, a music junkie, a traveler.
I love crying in the movies, love cookies and popcorn, love lazing at home and love making people laugh.
I'm addicted to Johnson's Baby lotion, to my mom's cooking and to sinful desserts.
I cannot multi-task, I cannot drive, and I'm afraid of heights but I enjoy rollercoasters.
I like to be around people with whom I don't have to care if they think I'm crazy drinking bak kut teh from a straw.
I've never taken the reverse bungee, never been to the US, and never dyed my hair pink.
And I want to go on an misadventure once in my life.
the grand plan May - Scuba Diving with MichnFriends in M'sia! *hurrayy we're reeally going! :)* her heart's desire Sony Ericsson s500i The Europe Trip Once More An Australian Adventure SHOUTOUT the friends ♥ x for xine ♥ ♥ pepper ♥ ♥ chengwei ♥ ♥ Chris&Jing in India ♥ ♥ 1 to 100 ♥ ♥ aimee ♥ ♥ shuxin ♥ ♥ vince ♥ ♥ unkle nick ♥ ♥ adeline ♥ ♥ mootsdarling shee ♥ ♥ shingy ♥ ♥ pang ♥ ♥ isabel ♥ ♥ samuel ♥ ♥ jeff ♥ ♥ junhao ♥ ♥ david ♥ ♥ adrian bek ♥ ♥ qiaomei ♥ ♥ timo ♥ ♥ chingyan ♥ ♥ sarah ♥ ♥ melvin ♥ ♥ weiwen ♥ ♥ reina ♥ ♥ lionel ♥ ♥ jiayi ♥ ♥ shunzhang ♥ ♥ allan in suzhou♥ ♥ the one who wants to be known as 'peacefool' ♥ ♥ hall5 ♥ ♥ travel pictures ♥ ♥ Destination Europe ♥ music junkie
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