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Friday, April 11, 2008
an indescribable sense of loss
5:29 PM the mom just informed me that I'll probably have to pass my laptop down to the younger brother, since he'll need one in poly. And it should be fine really, with the extra desktop that he now uses and the extra laptop that is supposedly for my dad's work we have at home. But somehow I'm feeling this swelling of heart, and I'm really quite reluctant. Maybe its the idea of having to share, that I'm not so used to. I've had my own laptop for the past 3 years. Everything I do is saved on this laptop which has served me rather well so far. my photos, my tonnes of music, conversations (not that I really go back and read them), and just the familiar feel of typing on these keys. Keys, which have acquired a sheen on particular spots from use, such as on the right corner of my spacebar. Keys which have helped me hit 110RPM on facebook's typing application, which make such a soothing tapping noise as compared to keyboards (I'm secretly in love with the sound of typing on laptops). It also doesn't help that the desktop downstairs is in the living room, and maybe I could move it up to the room so I can use it in my own space. But the mom seemed a little resistant to that when I mentioned it. All she said was 'why would you want to take the desktop, its so bulky and takes up so much space.' But I can just imagine how lost I would feel without a computer that is MINE. When I go home these days I usually bring the laptop with me, even if its only for a night, so I can have a computer to use anytime. I can already imagine the brother wanting to play his games on the desktop. And everyone knows how much chatting on msn I do. A LOT. and for entire nights. It sucks having to share a computer! And well the mom reminded me that when I start work I'll hardly have time to use the computer too, considering I should be working till pretty late at night. But I already know myself that the first thing I'll do when I get home even after a long day's work is turn on the computer, cause right now that's the case, and I don't foresee it changing. First thing I do when I wake up or come home for the past 3 years - turn on the computer. I am that addicted to computers! But I also think its normal... most people I know are like this too... So how to sharee I ask you :( Plus it just feels a little unfair that I have to give up this something that belongs to me, and not get anything in exchange! I don't get the desktop, and the laptop is well rightfully for the dad's work. Sorry if that sounded childish. I know I shouldn't be, and I did agree to it. But it still doesn't feel good! rawr. I would be happier if you know, she agreed to give me the desktop. See, I'm not even that picky. I just want something which is mine. :( *honestly I'm on the verge of tearing. And she did say that if I minded, they could always get a new one for the brother. But of course I couldn't have said I mind. That would have been insensible of me. And so I chose to do the right thing by adult standards, but it doesn't feel right inside. I hate forcing my in-reality-childish brain into thinking adult thoughts! I wanna get away with everything forever! (I feel like Calvin from Calvin&Hobbes. hating adults.) And I asked the mom when I would have to hand over the laptop, so I can mentally prepare myself for the loss. The answer was - 'asap.' Which made me even sadder, and I now cannot really concentrate on studying. When I watched The Bucket List with shee and mich, Morgan Freeman's character said in the show 'When asked if they would like to know on what date they will meet death, most people said NO. But I would prefer to know.' I belong to the majority. And its silly for likening this to death, but I feel sad knowing when I have to part with my laptop. And its not like I can create a bucket list of things to do with my laptop. SO yea. SAD. Actually you know what, I could make the best of it, and just type tonnes of posts while I still have complete ownership of my laptop. Making the best of it right now! 0 comments |
ely belly Welcome to the drunk mootoo tiger's blog. This is the blog of a nonsensical 22 year-old. All posts are true accounts of misadventures in my life. misadventurer
I'm a shopaholic, a chocoholic, an alcoholic, a clubbaholic, an eataholic, a music junkie, a traveler.
I love crying in the movies, love cookies and popcorn, love lazing at home and love making people laugh.
I'm addicted to Johnson's Baby lotion, to my mom's cooking and to sinful desserts.
I cannot multi-task, I cannot drive, and I'm afraid of heights but I enjoy rollercoasters.
I like to be around people with whom I don't have to care if they think I'm crazy drinking bak kut teh from a straw.
I've never taken the reverse bungee, never been to the US, and never dyed my hair pink.
And I want to go on an misadventure once in my life.
the grand plan May - Scuba Diving with MichnFriends in M'sia! *hurrayy we're reeally going! :)* her heart's desire Sony Ericsson s500i The Europe Trip Once More An Australian Adventure SHOUTOUT the friends ♥ x for xine ♥ ♥ pepper ♥ ♥ chengwei ♥ ♥ Chris&Jing in India ♥ ♥ 1 to 100 ♥ ♥ aimee ♥ ♥ shuxin ♥ ♥ vince ♥ ♥ unkle nick ♥ ♥ adeline ♥ ♥ mootsdarling shee ♥ ♥ shingy ♥ ♥ pang ♥ ♥ isabel ♥ ♥ samuel ♥ ♥ jeff ♥ ♥ junhao ♥ ♥ david ♥ ♥ adrian bek ♥ ♥ qiaomei ♥ ♥ timo ♥ ♥ chingyan ♥ ♥ sarah ♥ ♥ melvin ♥ ♥ weiwen ♥ ♥ reina ♥ ♥ lionel ♥ ♥ jiayi ♥ ♥ shunzhang ♥ ♥ allan in suzhou♥ ♥ the one who wants to be known as 'peacefool' ♥ ♥ hall5 ♥ ♥ travel pictures ♥ ♥ Destination Europe ♥ music junkie
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